Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
