haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
