i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
