I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
