I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
