So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
