How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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