Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
