So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
