sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't turn off my feet"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
