dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
