So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
