honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
