The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
