if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
