he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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