hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
