Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I believe in your delicious
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
