nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize