You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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