Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
