Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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