It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
