before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
