yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
