I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
