The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
