I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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