My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
