respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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