FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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