At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize