...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
