I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
