So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize