She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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