i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i think i scared a bird with my dick
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Pants are for mortals
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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