Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Couch. On fire.
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