Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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