I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
