I just made out with a guy for $7.
You work out of a Hotel?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
