Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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