Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
