hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
