Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
