I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
