fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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