Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
