Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize