There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize