i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
