My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
