Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Welp...herpes.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
