ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
