why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
