Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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