Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
