The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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