I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
