I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Me too!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
