didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she pinky promised me she was 18
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
