i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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